Saturday, April 1, 2017

Forest Hills Considering Anti-Walking Ordinance

Faced with a stubborn number of car-on-pedestrian accidents along Queens Blvd. and other streets around the neighborhood, Forest Hills is actively considering what would be the nation's first-ever "Anti-Walking Ordinance."

The idea to ban pedestrians in and around central Forest Hills comes as NYC DOT officials recently admitted that they were at an "absolute loss" to come up with a way to "humanize" the street traffic in the central Forest Hills area, in other words, get cars to slow down in the presence of pedestrians and obey the most basic of traffic laws, such as stopping at stop signs, heeding yellow traffic signals, and giving pedestrians the right-of-way at intersections instead of plowing ahead and running them down like so much stray cattle.

Asked about the possibility of this ground-breaking ordinance, 40-year local Forest Hills resident Mary D'Angelo, 56, stated, "I think it makes sense. During my daily drives from my Forest Hills apartment to Austin Street to pick up my much-needed sundries, I often notice people actually walking and in my way! Sometimes, they even block the intersections with their bodies as I try to turn!

"One time," D'Angelo continued, "I was in such a particular hurry to drive the few blocks from my apartment to Austin Street that I thought the bump and screams I heard was actually one of them! Only later did I conclude the ambulance sirens must've been for another one of those street crimes!"

Eighty-year-old Marty Silverstein, a resident of the Kennedy House apartment on Queens Blvd. expressed disappointment, however, in the new ordinance. Silverstein had founded a local pedestrian safety group several years ago called "Right of Way," but ironically lost most of the group's members during a much-publicized at the time perilous crossing of Queens Blvd.

"We were on our way to the group's inaugural meeting at Portofino," he recalls. "I was looking forward to a nice hot cup of soup. But just a few minutes after we started our crossing, most of my group was carried away towards Long Island by several vehicles and never heard from again!"

Silverstein was especially disappointed given that the last he had heard, local DOT officials had been on a learning trip in Europe, being introduced to such things as speed bumps and walk signals actually timed to the physical movement of the human beings doing the walking, instead of tire rotations—a development that had given him hope that the car-on-pedestrian problem might be solved by such innovations. "I haven't attempted another crossing of the Boulevard in several years," he said.

Such pedestrian traffic would be banned under the groundbreaking initiative.

12 comments:

  1. My April Fool's sense is tingling! ;)

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    1. I was gonna say lol!! Drake, you get me every year :P

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  2. HAHA, VERY FUNNY.

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  3. I applaud this innovation because it takes so long to dive 1-2 blocks to buy a paper or get a slice of pizza.

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  4. This anti-walking ordinance should have been enacted many years ago!

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  5. What about those of us who don't drive? Will the city be supplying us with horse drawn carriages? Or even better - personalized golf carts??

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  6. Seriously, what's it going to take to get the NYPD to enforce basic traffic laws around here?! If drivers won't demonstrate civility inherently, we really need their assistance to change the paradigm.

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    1. Exactly!! They don't seem to be at a loss when the meter is expired for 2 minutes.

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  7. A similar ordinance was enacted in Singapore (One of the worlds safest cities) a few years ago with great results. However, since people were not permitted to walk, the city had to hire PC's (People Carriers) who, for a small fee (25 cents) will carry you anywhere you want to go (maximum 5 miles). You just hop on their backs and hold on.

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    1. But wouldn't the PC's be breaking the anti-walking ordinance? Or would they have special dispensation from the city?

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  8. Finally an initiative which places some responsibility on the pedestrians. Many individuals jay-walk or walk distracted with earbuds or texting and walk into traffic. The Drivers are then blamed for the incident/accident. I am tired of the city attacking one side of the issue and finally a measure being taken to balance out the responsibility of the road and navigating through the city.

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