Sunday, April 1, 2012

Whole Foods Beats Out Apple For Coveted Forest Hills Subway Station Deal!

Very exciting news! In fact, I would dare to venture that this is THE most exciting news to hit Forest Hills since the opening of our new Bareburger just a few weeks ago!

In my humble opinion as by far the most influential blogger in Forest Hills, the only downside I see to this deal is the requirement reached by Whole Foods, MTA, Forest Hills Chamber of Commerce and Bloomberg Administration officials that all residents of Forest Hills must sign up for rodent control duty to keep the varmints from encroaching upon the new subterranean store.

I also am told that the new store will be accessible only, I repeat only, via one of the new glass elevators currently under construction at the Forest Hills station. A Whole Foods spokesperson said this was a "win-win" for everyone, as it will insure a constant trickle of shoppers that will not overwhelm the new store given its expected popularity since it will be the only one in all of Queens. "Accessibility to the store via the MTA elevator should keep crowds down to a very manageable total of about five shoppers per hour," she said.

The spokesperson added that a special organic grapes/Metrocard combo deal will become available soon only, I repeat, only, to holders of monthly cards.

Please post your opinions about this extremely exciting news below so I can react with the appropriate level of hostility.


  1. Have to admit, you had me going for a bit as i read this before my coffee this morning......

  2. Oh, is any of it true?

    Will my monthly card at least give me a better position in the rat patrol?

  3. Oh man, I can't believe I fell for it. I got really excited too.

  4. Holy crap, I fell for it big time. And it's almost mid-afternoon. Nicely done.

    (The organic grape/metrocard combo sounds like a good idea, lol)

    PS. Keep up the good work!

  5. I am as crushed an organic grape in a Whole Foods aisle. I thought it was real :(

  6. BOOO. I thought this was real.

  7. On the other hand, totally not an April fools joke - Gloria Pizza is confirmed for an April 3rd opening!

  8. Glad to hear Gloria's finally opening...just before Passover....